Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
