That's when you crack a 10am beer
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
