Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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