Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
