Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
