I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
