i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
