mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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