That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
No subtext here. People are naked.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
