i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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