Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
