Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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