I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Never joke about your clitoris.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
