Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
