So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
