At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
