Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
