How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
