I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
