She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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