if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
