i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
