maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
