she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
