His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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