My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My dick has a subreddit
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
