Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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