i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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