It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
