I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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