i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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