"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
