im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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