I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
