Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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