don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
