Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
