My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
this just has baby written all over it
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
