he thought i was a dude.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
