The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
