Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
