Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
