after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
