I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
