I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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