Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
