I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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