if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
