Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Shame is for Republicans.
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