It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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