As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
